There’s something fascinating about how opposites attract. Whether it’s in friendships, relationships, or even the horses we choose, balance often comes from contrast. I learned this firsthand with my first two horses —Indy and Jade.
Indy, my first horse, was a Morgan broodmare who had spent most of her life raising foals and ruling her herd with quiet authority. I cared for her at my part-time job through college - I got to ride one of her geldings and raise her first grand-filly. She was the definition of steady and self-assured. At sixteen, she retired and I was able to bring her home with me after graduating, where she seamlessly transitioned into my dependable riding partner. Trail riding and driving with Indy was effortless. She was confident, independent, and never concerned about being away from the herd. I could take her anywhere, alone, and she never hesitated. She knew where she was, what her job was, and executed everything with an easy certainty.
Indy had been trained to drive as a young horse but hadn’t been hitched to a cart in over a decade. One day, while working at a driving barn, I decided to hitch her up—by myself. (Don’t ever do this, by the way!) It was an undeniably reckless decision, but I had complete faith in Indy’s reliability. Sure enough, she didn’t miss a step. She hitched up as if she had done it every day for the past ten years. It was a testament to her rock-solid nature—but also a sign that she had spoiled me. She didn’t teach me any real training because she never needed it. She was the kid-safe pony I never had, the one who took care of me instead of the other way around.
I knew from the moment she retired that she was irreplaceable. But when the time came to find another horse, I naively thought I could search for her replica. I made a list of qualities I needed: confident, independent, and brave—just like Indy. But as with many things in life, I didn’t quite know what I needed until I found the complete opposite.
Like most hopeful horse owners on a budget, I had to consider a younger prospect that I could bring along myself. That suited me just fine—I have always enjoyed the journey of training and learning more than achieving competition milestones. Still, I hoped to find a horse with dressage potential. When I was offered the chance to buy a young Hanoverian mare, I jumped at it. Jade was only a week under saddle, and the trainer assured me she was handling the transition with ease. She was willing, eager to learn, and sweet-natured. In my excitement, I overlooked something that I now realize was noteworthy: she couldn’t be still. At all.
From the moment I met Jade, she was constantly moving. She wasn’t badly behaved, just buzzing with energy, unable to plant her feet for more than a second. I chalked it up to her youth, thinking she would settle with maturity. Now, six years later, I can confidently say—she didn’t.
Jade was, in every way, Indy’s opposite. Where Indy was calm and confident, Jade was excitable and insecure. Indy demanded respect effortlessly; Jade sought reassurance constantly. And yet, somehow, they balanced each other perfectly. They got along very well together.
Jade’s training journey became a masterclass in patience though. She was quick-witted and eager to learn but struggled to process information. Unlike Indy, who instinctively understood everything as if she had read the manual before I even opened it, Jade required structured pauses to absorb lessons. She wasn’t afraid, just driven by an intense need to please. If I rewarded her, she would immediately look for the next task instead of soaking in the information. I had to manually require her to stop, breathe, and acknowledge what she had accomplished before she charged ahead again.
This has obviously been a stark contrast to my experience with Indy! However, Jade has been one of my greatest teachers. She requires me to be patient, present, and adaptable. She challenges me in ways Indy never did, forcing me to think critically about training rather than relying on a horse’s natural abilities. In many ways, she has made me a better horsewoman.
How This Applies to Us
Just as Indy and Jade had wildly different personalities, people do too. Some of us are naturally confident and self-sufficient, while others thrive on reassurance and external validation. (I’m sure there’s some generational comparison that also works here) Some people are quick to react, eager to move forward, while others are deliberate and thoughtful. Our inherent or learned behaviors shape the way we process information, interact with others, and navigate challenges.
So, what can we learn from Indy and Jade when it comes to human relationships?
Recognize Differences Without Judgment
Indy’s confidence wasn’t better than Jade’s eagerness, just different. Similarly, some people are naturally assertive, while others are more hesitant. Neither approach is wrong—it’s just a matter of comparison.
Just as I appreciate both of these horses for improving my life in very different ways, we should recognize what different people can offer or teach us.
Adapt Your Approach
Training Indy required little effort on my part, while Jade requires active intervention to help her learn effectively. The same goes for people. Some may need more reassurance and patience, while others need space to be independent. Adjusting our approach to meet others where they are can lead to more productive and meaningful interactions.
This is especially important when teaching someone something new, which can leave them feeling vulnerable to mistakes or failure.
Be Patient with Different Processing Styles
Jade needed pauses to truly absorb lessons, while Indy just seemed to “get it.” In human interactions, some people need time to process emotions, ideas, or changes. If we push them too quickly, we may hinder their ability to fully grasp what’s happening.
Allow people the right time and space to process in their own way.
Don’t Expect Others to Be Just Like You
When I started horse shopping, I thought I needed another Indy. In reality, I needed Jade. In friendships, partnerships, or work relationships, we often gravitate toward those who are similar to us, but growth happens when we embrace complementary differences.
In fact, diversity is proven to build more successful teams and lasting results.
Balance is Key
Just as Indy and Jade balanced each other in their little herd, we, too, need different personalities in our lives. The steady, reliable people can ground us, while the energetic, forward-thinking people push us to grow. Understanding how different personalities complement each other can make us better at handling personal and professional relationships.
At the end of the day, I wouldn’t trade my experiences with either Indy or Jade. Indy gave me confidence and freedom, while Jade has taught me patience and adaptability. Together, they shaped me into the horsewoman—and person—I am today. And maybe that’s the magic of opposites: they can teach us what we didn’t even know we needed to learn.
Comments